Perhaps this indicates that somewhere we recognize that even the best present is only exciting for a while, but then is quickly forgotten, overlooked, or just becomes normal. The capacity for a ‘thing’ to keep us happy for long is very limited. Let’s face it a DVD or an iphone or a blender is totally incapable of MAKING us happy- it’s a thing and therefore can’t make us feel anything!

We only get happy temporarily because of the meaning we put on it, whether we think that someone cares about us, we feel special or acknowledged, or we like what the present does for us, or like how we look in it, or feel good about ourselves because it adds to our life somehow. In reality this happiness comes from our own thoughts and feelings about the gift, not the gift itself.

Happiness is always an internal experience, generated inside your body and felt as a combination of feelings, thoughts and behaviours. Happiness isn’t just a feeling, because as the research shows, it also makes us more sociable, energetic, more flexible, giving and better liked by others. This state is of course generated inside you, just as everything else that you experience happens inside you. Therefore it seems illogical to try to pursue it outside in the world. People tend to spend eight hours a day working towards the goals that they think will bring them happiness, one hour a day driving to the place where they think they will achieve the goals that will bring them happiness, one hour a day eating the things that they think will make them happy, eight hours asleep dreaming of being happy….and not even one minute looking n the place were happiness actually is- inside them!

Research into happiness and well-being confirms that our circumstances only contribute to 10% of our happiness scores. That means that all those efforts to get more money, get fit, look more attractive, buy a bigger house, get the promotion, find the perfect partner, have children, take that holiday, improve your health or get the best Christmas presents will at best only increase your happiness by 10%. Anyone can see that is a huge amount of effort for a very small return. In Lyubomirsky’s model 50% of our happiness depends on our genetic default set-point, with 40% depending on our mindset. Outside the strictly psychological model it seems that the 50% set point can also change once the mind becomes clear from past programming which means that 90% of your happiness score is up to how you think and feel. The good news is that that is something you can do something about right away! It doesn’t take long to think a different thought, create a different emotion and choose to take different action. That choice is always available to you, however, sometimes it takes some training to learn how to make those choices effectively. Think of it as needing a computer technician to help you remove what is already on the hard drive of your mind, update the software and install useful positive programs.

The good news is that it is possible for everyone to achieve the happiness they desire and deserve at Christmas and every other day too. Happiness isn’t something that you can buy, find, travel to, deserve or consume. Happiness comes from living every minute in the connected experience of love, peace and gratitude.

What are you prepared to do to create yours?

Most of your responses to various external stimuli are as a result of your past experiences and behavioral patterns which you have learned over a period of time. Every time you are about to do something, one part of your inner self might be prodding you to go ahead and do it while another part inside you might be cautioning you to refrain from doing it. These voices that happen inside you actually create and control your feelings, thoughts and behaviors; sometimes we may not even be aware that those voices exist! The combination of these voices results in what you call as “I”.

The “I” that we refer to is the ‘ego.’ When someone says or does something that is not to your liking, the part of you that gets irritated or disappointed or hurt is this ‘ego.’ Your ego prefers to act like a unique and special individual. Your ego wants you to be always right and hence categorizes others as wrong at times! Your ego encourages you to work towards acquiring things that are considered important in society, like success, fame, money, wealth, health, etc. When you say ‘This is my hand,’ or ‘this is my leg,’ it is evident that there is something different and separate from the body. And that is your consciousness. Your consciousness is the gateway through which you have been observing and looking at this world right from the moment you were born. This awareness is not temporary, it does not disappear – it is infinite, and doesn’t change. It is beyond the ‘me’ or the ‘ego,’ and hence if you are aware of this higher level of consciousness, life on this earth becomes very different as you will find that there are no longer any attachments to life being a certain way. You will realize that identification with the ego is no longer essential and that your existence is just a part of the larger flow of the consciousness all around you. This is true freedom!

We are taught all through life that we need to have financial freedom, perfect relationships, great health, and have passion for whatever we do and we are told that all of them are supposed to ensure that we are happy! Wouldn’t it be great if those things really could give us happiness? There are many people, however, who have adequate financial freedom, exciting relationships and sound health yet still find it difficult to be happy and it can be something that seems to elude them constantly! Why does that happen even though they seem to have everything? The simple reason is that they are probably looking for happiness in the wrong things and wrong places!

Are we really sure of what makes us truly happy? This awareness of ourselves will help us define ways to achieve happiness. Unless we understand the destination, how will we be able to plan a path to reach there? Our awareness of what excites us, what irritates us, what motivates us, what makes us feel sad, angry, happy and ecstatic, is essential to be able to identify the various things that can give us the happiness we crave. Without ever knowing what causes happiness for us and what creates sadness in us and why this happens, how can we know what to achieve and what not to achieve?

So, self-awareness is the most important aspect we need to focus on first in order to become happy. What is this self-awareness? Let us consider that we have a fight with our spouse. We might have thought that we had been caring and helpful to them recently, but they point out that we have been spending most of our time absorbed in work and haven’t really been present with them. Their objective feedback allows you to become more aware of your own behaviour. Just like the mirror shows us what we really look like, we need to have a mechanism or a process that can help us ‘see’ ourselves, and gain more awareness.

This is the true benefit of personal development. This topic is explored fully in my brand new book “The Personal Development Handbook” which will be available in a couple of weeks.

To pre-order your copy now go to the Products page.